I started a new distraction today. I started watching How I Met Your Mother. This show is so great. It also gives me conflicted feelings. One minute I wish I was 21 and single so I could just get laid then the next minute I wish I had someone like Marshall to be with me forever. Yeah so I watched 3 seasons of that show today. I’m gonna finish them tomorrow.
So today was amazing, I was with my best friend the entire day, she helped me take my mind off of him. And when I went to workout, the nicest thing happened. My trainer was teasing me because I was apparently moving slow. My little sister stepped in and told him that I’m always slow especially getting ready. I couldn’t believe she said that! But he was super nice about it. He said “Why do you take a long time? Doing your makeup? Do you even need makeup?” It’s just the little things that people say, that make my day.
Today was just … average. I remember he told me before summer started that we would hang out. He would text me so we could. OK sure. That never happened, actually he tried to … on Father’s day. hmmmmm No. His dad may have been out of town but mine wasn’t and I was going to spend it with him. So basically my life now sucks. If it was a rollercoaster, it would be a lot of fun because you only go up for a little bit before it goes down a whole lot.
I still miss him, a little less though. I think I might be ok. I kind of distract myself because if I think to much I go back and think about him. He still hasn’t texted me, and is ignoring me. So he probably hasn’t forgiven me. Oh well I have plenty of friends to distract me, and help me have fun. My best friend always seems to make me laugh. She’s a perfect friend, helping me get over him.
I know I told you I miss you. I do, sorta. I really just want you to kiss me again. Sure you’re hot and a nice friend. But you’re a real jerk. So just please come entertain me for a while till I can get over you. Because I really need to, soon.
We got in a fight today. I hated it. It was terrible. I never want to do that again. I hope it never happens. It was over something stupid too. We have to go back a little to know what it was about. My best friend liked a guy, and she would not tell me who it was! So at our banquet for drama, we were both in hysterics crying (IT WAS AN EMOTIONAL TIME) and I asked her then again who she likes. She caved like I knew she would, and told me that it was the same guy I liked. Well that made me cry even harder, which he noticed of course. I am the ugliest crier too, it sucked. So he comforted me. He didn’t know why I was crying. Truth is I was crying because I kissed the guy my best friend liked, that’s not what best friends do. So my friend texted me yesterday and was freaking out because he found out. Niether of us wanted him to for different reasons obviously but it was the same goal. So I texted him trying to find out how he knew. Well it all spiraled down and ended with me saying I’m sorry, are you mad at me now? He said he wasn’t mad but when I asked if he would forgive me he never responded.
Dear John, I don’t know why I still put myself through this. Why I still like you after everything you have done to me. I really don’t. All I know is it’s still the same. The feeling I’ve had for you since day 1. Maybe I can bury it again. Like I did earlier this year. I wish I could but it haunts me to know that no mater what I’ll still feel the same. Even if I bury it. So here’s to the wishful thinking that either my feelings will change or yours will.